


This is Outright, Horrific Dishonesty

by satiredichotomy



Series: You Live, You Learn [5]
Category: Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: Episode: s01e09 Into the Forest I Go, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-04
Updated: 2017-12-04
Packaged: 2019-02-08 12:36:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12864657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/satiredichotomy/pseuds/satiredichotomy
Summary: Stamets didn’t tell anyone about the side effects, so he only has himself to blame.  Set during and after the episode.





	This is Outright, Horrific Dishonesty

Paul tries to think up every possible excuse for not going to sickbay, or even why he can’t see Hugh. Conflict of interest? That ship has long since sailed. The CMO certainly won’t want to waste anyone else’s time with an errand that the Captain has openly stated is to show a data trail.

But Paul knows that he won’t pass this examination.

Hugh’s pleased to get the extra time with him, and his bemused expression at Paul’s whispered explanation shows that he isn’t taking it too seriously. But Hugh’s a professional, so he hooks Paul up and starts running tests.

“You seem pretty quiet, Lieutenant,” Hugh says. It’s a quirk of his; he tries his best not to refer to Paul by name if they’re on-duty. He says it helps him keep their lives appropriately compartmentalised. Paul usually could care less, but today he sees the benefit. He hums a response to Hugh, but can’t trust himself to say anything further.

“What the…” Hugh trails off.

Paul shouldn’t ask, he really shouldn’t, but he also wants to know. He’s wanted to know for a long time now, and this is finally it. “What is it?” he asks casually.

“Your brain scan. It looks… I don’t know. I need to run a far more detailed scan. I didn’t expect to find anything,” Hugh says distractedly, hitting buttons quickly to reset the machine.

Paul takes a breath, keeps himself calm. Hugh’s going to get mad soon, but he still can’t say anything. It’s like his common sense have floated away from his body. There’s no point to confessing anything now.

“Well, we know that Tardigrade DNA didn’t seem originally compatible with human DNA. There were bound to be a couple complications,” he offers, trying to keep Hugh calm.

Hugh shakes his head. “Lie still. I’m going to run a few different tests. It’ll take a few minutes, but something is not right, Paul,” he purses his lips and looks at his partner. “Are you sure you’ve been feeling okay lately? I’ve never seen anything like this before.”

Paul wants to say something, he really does, but he can’t. He can tell that things are coming to a head, that he’ll be needed soon to fly the ship, and he just can’t risk it. “I’m fine,” he mutters.

He should stop lying, he knows that. But he can’t do it. He may have become someone different after injecting the Tardigrade DNA, but he knows down to his bones that his only purpose right now is to fly that spore drive. He can’t risk it, not right now. He just hopes that he isn’t going to lose Hugh with all these lies.

Hugh falls silent. “It doesn’t seem likely that you’d feel fine, Paul. From what I’m seeing, your brain is changing in ways that a human brain simply shouldn’t. You should be having horrific migraines at the very least,” he says, while staring at Paul’s face intently.

Paul’s pretty sure he hasn’t given anything away with his expression, but he also has no idea if he can lie straight to Hugh’s face or not.

“Nope, nothing like that,” he reiterates. He can practically hear the door slam shut on his relationship. This isn’t just lying anymore, this is outright, horrific dishonesty to Hugh’s face, and if this conversation carries on for much longer, he’s going to have to grab a scalpel and cut out his own heart.

Thankfully, the doors to sickbay open and the Captain strides in, demanding an update for Starfleet brass.   Paul repeats his lie one more time, and hopes that one day, Hugh will be able to see his actions for what they are – a show of Paul’s love for him.

+++

He’d expected Hugh to be mad at him for the rest of their lives, but it makes sense that 133 jumps would change that. Paul slowly opens his eyes and takes in the now-familiar view of the ceiling in sickbay.

There is also the familiar view of the handsome man sitting next to his bed.

“Paul,” Hugh exclaims while jumping to his feet. “How do you feel?” he asks.

Hugh’s touching his arm with one hand, but the other hand grabs the medical tricorder off the edge of the bed and discreetly starts scanning.

“I’m okay,” Hugh shoots him a look. “No, I’m _really_ okay,” Paul insists. “I promise. No headaches, no nothing. In fact, I feel a bit fuzzy… am I on drugs?”

Hugh nods. “Yeah, you’re on a bit of a cocktail at the moment. Don’t worry about it. I just didn’t want you to wake up in pain.”

Paul lets a smile break through, the big emotional smile that appeared all too often after the Tardigrade injection. He could suppress it, but he doesn’t need to. It’s Hugh. It’s important he knows that Paul is grateful for him and his love. He simply says, “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Hugh replies easily.

“How are you?” Paul asks.

Hugh laughs and shakes his head. “I’m okay,” he parrots back. After a second, he relents. “After watching you do 133 jumps, I’m definitely worse for the wear. I never want to see anything like that again. But I’m better now that you’re awake and stable.” 

Paul knows what he has to do. “Good. I only ever want you to be okay. Better than okay, really.”

“Same here, babe,” Hugh replies softly.

“I lied about the migraines and side effects of the jumps because I didn’t want you to have to choose between using me a lab rat or having to lie and jeopardise your career for me,” confesses Paul.

“We’re having that conversation now, are we?” His partner raises his eyebrows and sits back down in the chair.

“I’ve been putting it off for too long,” Paul admits. “I was trying to protect you, but the cost was too high. I’ve done my bit for the war. I’m handing myself in to Starfleet. No more jumps.

Hugh looks concerned. “Paul, love, you are on drugs. Maybe you should wait until your head’s clear and then we can talk through the options?”

“What options are there? Keeping jumping and kill my brain, or have someone actually try to figure out what’s going on with me? You’re a doctor; you know that this is the right thing to do. It’s the only thing to do. I’m not going to regret this later on,” Paul says confidently.

“I love you so much,” Hugh says suddenly. “The past few months have been crazy, but we’re going to get through this. If you’re the lab rat, then I’m going to be Starfleet’s premiere expert. We’re in it together.”

Paul grabs his boyfriend’s hand and squeezes. For the first time in a very long time, he thinks things might just be all right.


End file.
